Anxiety

Pedro has been thinking about Mary since he finds out she is single. That night he has a vivid dream. Waking up the next morning he writes it down hastily while it is still fresh in memory. Later during the day he notices that the dream is full of anxiety. Has the anxiety caused stiff muscles in his neck and shoulders? Or is it the other way around, or both? He reads his dream story again...

I am in an open space with a group of people. We are supposed to pair off into couples and compete in the game of Amazing Race. Right away I look for a woman partner who is physically fit. But they are choosing others who are as athletic as themselves. I walk around and see a small woman alone. She comes over to me and asks me if I know what the word two-moon means in Chinese. I say it means friend. She laughs, and I grab her hand to join the others in the race. Many people are there before but now I see no one. The place is empty except for a few deer foraging in the distant. My woman partner is very tall now and have big breasts. She looks down at me and I let go of her hand. There’s no one competing in the Amazing Race anymore.


Hashiguchi Goyo - Woman after the Bath (Yokujo no Onna) - Walters 95881
We walk to a hot spring pool where some people are bathing in nude. She takes off her clothes and joins those in the pool. I start to take off the armor suit I wear for the race. After some time I still have a few layers of clothing on me. So I sit down by the pool to find an easier way to do this. A cafe nearby puts out a sign that says lunch is served. Everyone is getting up and walking towards it. I go over there also and look into the windows to see what is on the menu. I see Mary in there cooking. She is talking to several male co-workers and laughing. My heart twinges with insecurity. How beautiful she is yet she doesn't see me. I sit down outside to wait until she is off work so I can talk to her alone.

Then I see Mary walking out of the cafe down toward a creek. I call out her name and she turns around. I ask her where she is going. She says she is going to check out the creek. ‘Do you want to have an adventure with me?’, she asks. I’m happy as a clam hearing that. Then a Buddhist monk comes by and starts talking to her in earnest. I politely stand by to let them finish the conversation. Mary seems to have lost interest in me and keeps on talking with the monk. So I turn away and walk toward the creek by myself. In the shallow creek there are many rocks protruding out. I walk on them from one to another in the middle of the creek, looking at the clear running water and little darting fishes. There's nobody around, but I see in several places signs that someone have been there before. I stop and look at a pile of stacking rocks standing 5 pieces tall vertically…


Reading it Pedro feels none of the anxiety experienced during the dream. But he knows it’s still buried in him somewhere somehow. He wonders how he can melt away this inner tension?